Pursuing God

Mike is a man. I don't say that to get into an anatomy lesson but I say that because he has a hard time focusing on more than one thing at a time. He struggles, like most men, to focus on too much at once. He is designed by God to stay in his box whereas woman are designed drastically different. Women are typically the family multi-taskers. For me, everything in life is connected, down to the simple every day pieces of life. Mike and I joke about needing a non-rainy day without kids before we can clean out our room. How do the 2 things even intertwine?  Mike thinks I'm nuts but to me, cleaning things out means room to store things that don't belong in our room/ closet. Well, the garage is that place but it is in no condition to hold more "stuff". In order to clean the garage, we need a sunny, but not too hot, day to clean out the garage! That's not asking for much, in Florida with 3 kids :).  In reality, we need about 3 days but for the sake of setting realistic goals, we will say one!  So, in my mind, I can't clean out our closet until the garage has been cleaned. What does all of this have to do with anything relevant?  Bare with me, I'm getting there!

Because I'm the multi-tasker, I weigh all options at the same time. Yes, we are pursuing answers to our angel's deaths and the possibility of trying once more but we are open to adoption as well. Mike sees one task at a time but I struggle to do that. This leads me to the meat of this post...

In February, I decided to look at deaf children who are waiting for their forever homes. I didn't spend much time in my searching but I did find a little girl in Asia. I saved her profile and put it aside for the time being. Mike and I didn't talk about her or my search until a few weeks ago. He hasn't squashed the idea but, as a man, he wants to pursue one thing at a time. Currently, that is answers from doctors. Two days ago, I sent a message about the little girl who has been on my mind for the past month. I received an email today stating that she has been placed on hold for a family. This doesn't mean she is not meant for us. No one but God knows that at this time!  This disheartened me more than I thought it would for many reasons. 

Before today, my heart was beginning to veer more towards adoption than in the months past. I even considered asking Mike to think outside his box or switch boxes for the time being and pursue this child. I don't know why my heart was bent to her. What I do know is that this was a reminder that I'm not in control and I have no idea where our future lies, only God does!  Maybe this was God's way of redirecting my heart back to Mike's box of pursuing answers from the doctors. Maybe it was a reminder that neither journey will be emotionally easy. Whatever the reason, all I can do is seek God and His will. This is no easy task for my heart and mind- the multi-tasker that does not appreciate the unknowns!