Thursday, March 19, 2015

Our Wall

I ordered the urns today for Paisley's and Carly's ashes. Can't wait for them to arrive. We have a wall in our bedroom dedicated to momentos from the children. The wall is pictured here and holds some very special pieces of our children's lives. On the far left is Paisley's placenta print. After delivery, we brought the placenta home and a sweet neighbor friend made is this keepsake. Next is a picture that has become increasingly special as the years have passed and the losses of our children have occurred. Little did we know that this picture would encompass the lives of all 8 of our children!  The children are pictured with a Babywearing wrap called Heaven's Love. It represents infant loss. At the time of this picture, we had only lost Curtis and I had this picture made for Mike for Father's Day 2012. The wrap pictured here represented Curtis and now holds Paisley's blood stains from our cuddling with her at the hospital. Never would I have imagined how much it would mean to us when I bought it. We have 5 angels loving us from Heaven daily!  Under that picture is a plate that the children made for Mother's Day 2013 with all 3 handprints. One sure fire way to a mama's heart is through a handprint or footprint gift!  The large middle piece was Mike's Father's Day gift. Love me some Pinterest ideas, especially when they turn out ;). On the far right, we have a hat that Kaitlyn made for Mike's first Father's Day. Above that is a Paisley frame. It has her footprint card, my favorite picture of her, and a picture of the balloon release from her memorial service. Once the urns arrive, we hope to find a shelf to hold their urns and a memory box above the placenta print. 
All of that to share this...
Because Hobby Lobby is the place every woman goes when she's depressed over buying urns, we made a quick trip for one thing but came out with many things. Not even sure how that happens!  I'll blame it on the kids!!!!  I bought something for our wall. It's a vinyl lettering kit that reads "When you can't see God's hand, trust His heart"
It has been almost impossible to see God's hand at work in the midst of our tragedy and pain. Moments when we think He has deserted us, we have to trust His heart. If we trust Him as the Creator of the universe and for our redemption, how can we deny His heart and love for us, even when we can't see his hand at work. I still wrestle daily with how can I accept and love a God that allowed/ did not prevent the overwhelming grief over the last 7 months.  Thankfully, He's a God that can handle my wrestlings and my despise of His plan!
I've never attempted to link a song but this song has been played daily since I heard it a few weeks ago. Hope the link works...

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