I had a great day, then- Facebook note from 1/27/15

As mother's are spending time with their little blessings, singing their bedtime lullabies, nursing their sweet bundles to sleep, snuggling and taking in the smells of their joyous addition; I sit in an empty room, surrounded by mounds of maternity clothes. I don't know what's harder, seeing them in the closet everyday or packing them out of sight, knowing you may never use them again. Today seemed emotionally stable so surely I could get through this task. Between the tear soaked clothes and the few pieces of memories we found and added to Paisley's and Carly's boxes, there is nothing stable about my current state. I've entered a state of sadness. One that questions why us, why me, why Carly,Paisley, Maverick, Aubrey, and Curtis. I'll never have a hand painted gift from Carly, I'll never get to hear Paisley say "I yuz you mommy", I'll never get to find Maverick's cars and superheroes all over the house, and I'll never get to read a book to Curtis. Being a grieving mama can make you vulnerable to break at any minute. Tonight, I broke and I'm ok with that!

Breaking the Silence- Facebook note from 1/12/15

I hope every person on my friend's list will take time to read this! Why is the miscarriage topic so taboo in today's society? I hate that we've suffered so much tragedy, but I find comfort in talking about my babies. I hope to see the day when a miscarriage is recognized as a grieve-worthy experience by all, not because they've experienced one but because of mamas who aren't afraid to share the reality of the pain. Being "that person", the one with the pink elephant over your head, is hard enough when you have a supportive network. I can't imagine going through our last 6 months alone. Feel free to share any of my posts or notes with people who may need it! I didn't write about my struggles to gain the sympathy of others or for people to worry about me. I wrote so that others can know that they're not alone in the despair and pain that comes through losing a child, even if they never took their first earth side breath. Even if I don't know the answers or right words to comfort other angel mamas, I am always willing to listen. Sometimes talking about your angel, makes you feel like they're not forgotten!

http://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2013/october/miscarriage-secret.html#bmb=1