Not sure why I feel the need to share this but it has been on my heart and I'm prayerful that this will be impactful for someone that is facing a similar trial. Mike and I recently suffered the pain of another pregnancy loss. It was very early and unplanned. I had no idea it would affect me the way it did. We had our first miscarriage in May 2008 when we were trying to conceive. That was one of the most difficult and darkest time in my life. I became angry and depressed and hid my pain for a year. The pain was expounded by the fact that we had to undergo the hassle of infertility treatments to finally conceive our Arianna. Every month we anxiously waited to experience the joy of pregnancy again but the pain and depression of starting my period became a nagging reminder of the baby we lost and the one we so desperately wanted. Once the fertility treatments started, the regimented schedule of taking meds and having sex on certain days continued to pour salt on the wound of our miscarriage. Even after we conceived, the innocence of pregnancy was gone. With my first pregnancy, I enjoyed every minute and it never crossed my mind that anything would go wrong. My future pregnancies were haunted by the fear of losing another precious life. My most recent miscarriage has had a different impact on my life. I still have the emotional pain, the thoughts of what life would be like with an April baby and then there's the post miscarriage bleeding that serves as a daily reminder of the loss. All of these things were present in May 2008 but the biggest difference has been my reliance on God and support from my husband. Instead of becoming angry at God, I remind myself that He has a different plan for our family. Not the easiest thing to do when facing life's tough times but He has proven himself faithful in the past! Mike and I have an amazing relationship and he has been so understanding and supportive through this miscarriage. Our first miscarriage was the beginning of some rocky times for our marriage. I shut him out of my heart and it has taken some work to get to where we are but is worth all the effort. Not sure this will serve any purpose but I felt the need to share. For some reason, miscarriages are often hidden and they're definitely easier to handle with the support of those who love you. Infertility sucks and is rarely talked about but can cause such deep pain for a woman. Hoping this encourages anyone facing life's challenges to reach out for help, burdens are easier to bear with others!
