As I sit here, an hour away from sweet Paisley's 6 month birthday, I can't help but think about all of our angels, even Curtis who would've been 6 in December. Only taking into account the events of this past year, we should have a 10 month old (Aubrey), a 6 month old (Maverick), a 1 month old (Paisley), and be 22 weeks pregnant with Carly :( I don't even know what to say in addition to that! It has been an extremely trying week. The joy of my middle turning 5 on Sunday, is overshadowed by Paisley's birthday and the heartbreaking reality that I'll never be able to throw a party for her or our other angels. I am so thankful for the 5 hours we did have with Paisley and they will be cherished forever. Those 5 hours were no where near long enough. I should have years of holding her. Instead, I can hold her ashes in a box or cuddle her blood stained blanket. The harsh reality that her scent no longer remains on her hat has been quite an emotional blow . Another piece of her that I feel has been ripped away. I found such solace in her smell and now it's gone, forever. Better days are ahead but for now, I sit in my grief and remember the love that was involved in Paisley's creation and the love we felt from the moment we knew she was there! Not a day goes by that I don't miss her and long to snuggle her and kiss her. Please keep us in your prayers as the next few days will be especially challenging!
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