Yesterday, my due date buddy had her baby boy! So happy for her and her family but finding it impossible to rejoice with them. It's not fair that she has a baby in her arms, while I only have pictures of my dead baby & her ashes and the pain of losing another child since Paisley. I've been through a ton of extremes in this month alone. Was supposed to have my sweet Paisley arrive, but she's already heavenside. Was supposed to be finding out the sex of our surprise blessing but had a D&C instead. Now I'm left with an empty womb and the hopelessness of never having another child. That might be the most overwhelming pain itself. The permanence of a forever empty womb that aches to bare children. It really is no ones fault and I am truly happy for those families seeing their heart's dreams fulfilled. I'm just not ready to give up my "no fair" attitude and make an effort to send congrats when I feel like I'm dying inside. Please know that I rejoice in your blessings and hope you hold them tightly because they are worth it!
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